best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
