we're chasing vodka with high fives
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
