I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize