OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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