god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
