Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
