Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
