K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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