I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
