I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
