I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
