Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
