Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My bed smells like the plague
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