Your mouth is God's brothel.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize