She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
