There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
