Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So apparently I’m into choking now
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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