Sry I called you an 8
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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