Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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