There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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