I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
