After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
