Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
