hell yes lets make some ravioli
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
