That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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