My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
