She is in my trunk
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
