I'm pants shitting drunk right now
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
