kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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