im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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