What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
