I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
