And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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