dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize