I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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