I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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