We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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