I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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