guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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