you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
