we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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