Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
im holly from the hills drunk
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
