He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
