In the future we'll all be gay
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
