When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
