Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
