remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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