You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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