Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
