He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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