I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
