i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just threw up on my dentist
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
His nipple licking is glorious
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