I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
