It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I supernannyed him into submission
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
