I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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