Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
