he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
