I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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