I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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