just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
