my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
