i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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