It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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