Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
