Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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