That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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