That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize