I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
