the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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