I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Your dad touched me again.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize