woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
