someone threw a dead crab at me
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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