careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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