Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize