I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
