I just cut my nipple shaving
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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