Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
