Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
