youre lurking in front of me
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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