the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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