Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
