she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
