can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
