i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i need some magic done to my vagina
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
