He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sobbing to NWA
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
