She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize