.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
