"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
