So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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