There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
