i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
