Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize